FTE Fellowship

I just received word that the Fund for Theological Education has named me a 2007 FTE Volunteers Exploring Vocation Fellow, which will help even more with my living expenses for next year when used in conjunction with my Harvard Fellowship. Not only is this such an honor and great news, I'm also in very good company. All the recipients must be incoming M.Div. students, and we all must have served in a faith-based volunteer capacity for at least a year. More interesting than that is that all 10 recipients are female. I think it just adds to the fact that, on the whole, women now slightly outnumber men in seminaries these days. So, take that church patriarchy and the "stained glass ceiling."

Well, it's about time...

Disney's next animated film will finally feature its first black princess. Just fifteen years ago, Disney released its first movie with a non-white princess in the form of Jasmine in Aladdin. Then came Pocahontas and Mulan. So, now a new princess will join the eight others in Disney's little multi-million dollar, "every little girl's fantasy" line-up. At least more little girls will actually see themselves represented. Now I won't comment on the fact that this latest princess is a "frog princess," which could be a very bad idea, but at least it's a step in the right direction. Here's a link to an article about it: http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/17524865/

Anxiety

It finally occurred to me the other day that I actually am going to Harvard, and that I actually am moving to Massachusetts, and that I am actually going to have to leave this place. It's not that I intellectually did not know this was going to happen--it seems it just finally decided to sink into my consciousness.

Then I freaked out.

So, over the last week, I have been praying and meditating and doing all these things to dig into the anxiety. I feel much better today. I wanted to enclose these two prayers because I think they relate to what I've been feeling, and probably what others are as well. On that note, if anyone likes to pray, then throw one in there for me!!!!!!!

I Teeter on the Brink of Endings by Ted Loder

O God of endings,
you promised to be with me always,
even to the end of time.
Move with me now in these occasions of last things,
of shivering vulnerabilities and letting go:
letting go of parents gone,
past gone,
friends going,
old self growing;
letting go of children grown,
needs outgrown,
prejudices ingrown,
illusions overgrown;
letting go of swollen grudges and shrunken loves.
Be with me in my end of things,
my letting go of dead things,
dead ways,
dead words,
dead self I hold so tightly,
defend so blindly,
fear losing so frantically.
I teeter on the brink of endings:
some anticipated,
some resisted,
some inevitable,
some surprising,
most painful;
and the mystery of them quiets me to awe.
In silence, Loard,
I feel now the curious blend of grief and gladness in me
over the endings that the ticking and whirling of things brings;
and I listen for your leading
to help me faithfully move on through the fear
of my time to let go
so the timeless may take hold of me.

Prayer by Howard Thurman

“Give me the courage to live!
Really live – not merely exist.
Live dangerously,
Scorning risk!
Live honestly,
Daring the truth –
Particularly the truth of myself!
Live resiliently –
Ever changing, ever growing, ever adapting.
Enduring the pain of change
As though ’twere the travail of birth.
Give me the courage to live,
Give me the strength to be free
And endure the burden of freedom
And the loneliness of those without chains;
Let me not be trapped by success,
Nor by failure, nor pleasure, nor grief,
Nor malice, nor praise, nor remorse!
Give me the courage to go on!
Facing all that waits on the trail –
Going eagerly, joyously on,
And paying my way as I go,
Without anger or fear or regret
Taking what life gives,
Spending myself to the full,
Head high, spirit winged, like a god –
On…on…till the shadows draw close.
Then even when darkness shuts down,
And I go out alone, as I came,
Naked and blind as I came–
Even then, gracious God, hear my prayer:
Give me the courage to live!”

Amen.

More West Slope

At the beginning of May, I had the amazing privilege of speaking to a women's gathering on the Western Slope of Colorado. I traveled to Paonia, CO, and took a scenic drive down I-70 and McClure Pass. I was especially excited to see the hometown area of my bf Emily, who was born and raised in Crawford, CO. Paonia reminded of the embracing hospitality of small towns, and was so grateful to the ladies who put me up in a Bed and Breakfast and took me out to dinner. I really felt at home.

This trip was even more timely, as the drive took place over May 9--the anniversary of my stepdad's death. I like to retreat during this time even year, to reflect and honor his memory. I was wary of traveling to speak over such a vulnerable time, but it turned out to be just the thing I needed. It's funny how we are often given what we need even if we can't see it. The drive through the mountains was a perfect way to commemorate Sonny's life. I felt his presence with me the entire way--so fitting for someone who loved the great outdoors as much as he did. The town and church, with their vestiges of home, comforted me.

In times of brokenness, God often gives me much more relevant things to say regarding the issues we deal with at Warren Village. I empathize so much more with my residents when I remember my own broken self and my time of grief. Like Ted Loder wrote, "What can I believe, except what Jesus taught: that only what is first broken, like bread, can be shared."

Some verses used during talk on brokenness:

Psalm 51:17(NIV) The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not despise.

Psalm 147:3(NIV) He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.

Jeremiah 2:13 (NIRV)
"My people have sinned twice. They have deserted me, even though I am the spring of water that gives life. And they have dug their own wells. But those wells are broken. They can't hold any water."

Psalm 34:18(NIV) "The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit."

Isaiah 58:12(NIV) "Your people will rebuild the ancient ruins and will raise up the age-old foundations; you will be called Repairer of Broken Walls, Restorer of Streets with Dwellings."

West Slope Excursion

That's how we roll

Here's Colleen, Em and I hanging out with Colorado State Representative Terrance Carroll. Terrance didn't think I would really stick his picture on my blog, but of course, I had to prove him wrong.

Brooke's Story

Dear Friends,

My name is Brooke and I am a current resident of Warren Village. I must admit that I’ve made a few mistakes along the way, however, moving to Warren Village was probably one of the best decisions I’ve made. As a mother of three, I feel like I can conquer the world and do things independently. So for me, it was difficult to ask for help. It was a very humbling experience when I moved to Warren Village. I felt like I was taking several steps backward, when in all actuality, I was launching myself 10 steps forward. Here is my story.

Addiction has played a large role in my life. Although I graduated from Cherry Creek High School with honors, experimentation quickly turned into a decade of serious drug use. In an effort to find myself, I traveled extensively throughout the U.S., sinking deeper into my addiciton. What was once a marijuana habit escalated into the abuse of heroin, cocaine, and methamphetamines.

In 2003, social services temporarily removed my children from my home, and I entered an inpatient treatment facility. I thanked God for my life, and was eager to turn myself around. Upon completion of the substance abuse program and compliance with courts, I regained custody of my two sons. I met a man, found an apartment to rent, enrolled in college courses and stumbled upon Warren Village to assist in my day care needs. Things were really looking up.

In January 2005, the man I had been dating violently beat me to the ground and assaulted my two children. I was four months pregnant with his child. I felt defeated once again. Physically scarred, emotionally distraught and financially unstable, I applied to the Warren Village housing program. I moved in during May of 2005 and had my third son two months later. After considering abortion and adoption, Warren Village gave me the opportunity to choose to keep my child.

In the 10 short months at Warren Village, I’ve continued to move forward in my recovery from drug addiction, celebrating two years clean. I’ve made huge advancements towards self-sufficiency with the help of numerous resources. Evening classes vary from infant massage to restoration of credit. Faith and encouragement are extended to all residents from the loving arms of the Warren Village staff. My children are safe, secure, stable and happy.

I currently sit on the Parent/Teacher Advisory Board for the Warren Village Learning Center, and actively participate in my children’s school and extra-curricular activities. I advocate strongly on behalf of women and children of domestic violence and promote freedom from addiction. I work full-time at Whole Foods Market and continue to advance within my career. I share my story openly and have spoken at numerous Warren Village events, as it helps me grow and heal.

Your support is paramount to my family and others like me. I thank you each individually from the bottom of my heart.

Matters of Faith Find a New Prominence on Campus

Here's a New York Times article that HDS had posted on its website. HDS Professor quoted in the text:

http://www.nytimes.com/2007/05/02/education/02spirituality.html?ex=1179892800&en=50232ba239dfb1bb&ei=5070

Last Time I Checked...

Catholics are Christians. Unfortunately, I keep running in evangelical circles that would like to believe it's us against them. A recent member of my Bible study used a devout Catholic friend as an example of someone who is not a Christian. Whatever happened to: "Anyone who is not against us is for us" (Mark 9:40 NIV)?

Here's an article regarding the recent Roman Catholic conversion of Francis J. Beckwith who formerly led the Evangelical Theological Society and teaches at Baylor University.
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2007/05/11/AR2007051101929.html

Evangelical leaders are apparently up in arms. Denver Seminary's own Douglas Groothuis said, among other things, that Beckwith was "embracing serious theological error."

Now I'm no expert on the Protestant Reformation, but, being Protestant, I am thankful for Luther's 95 Theses and the change that it brought the last 500 years. However, I always understood that the Protestant Reformation also led to the Catholic or Counter Reformation. The Catholic Church today is also reformed from the Catholic Church then.

I must admit that I have to repeat Mark 9:40 to myself when I come across thoughts and ideas from evangelical or even mainline leaders that I disagree with, and I realize there is room for error when it comes to deciding who is not against us. But seriously, people. I don't agree with Southern Baptist theology, but I still manage to accept them as Christians. (And in fact, conservative evangelicals and Roman Catholics probably agree on more stuff than many realize.)

To top it off, two of the most spiritual and God-centered women I know are devout Roman Catholics. They break my stereotypes every day. They know truth, and it's the same truth I seek to live out every day.

All-Star

Warren Village hosted its annual All-Star Breakfast at a nice hotel downtown this morning. This breakfast is our big benefit/fundraiser that we have every year. When I first learned that my organization's big production was a breakfast--which involves getting up at 5 a.m., I was not so thrilled. Of course, I get placed at the one place that doesn't do a luncheon or a dinner like everyone else. Morning person I am not.

Despite the early wake-up call, the event had record numbers in attendance this year. Our speaker was Vince Papale (the guy was the inspiration for the Disney movie Invincible--Mark Wahlberg plays him in the film). The real all-star though, was Elizabeth. Her story is posted below. She was our Resident of the Year, and shared her story with the huge audience. I've heard and read Elizabeth's story countless time, but today, she shared it better than ever. I couldn't help but cry. At least I wasn't the only one. It gives me goosebumps to think she will be graduating from CSU in a week. Elizabeth and I came to Warren Village around the same time, and we will be leaving at the same time. It's amazing how much we've both grown.